A New Perspective (5)

I write now from far beyond where I once was. I can not put the nature of this realm into words even if it were my will to do so, but for now, the world lends itself to my task at hand. I feel my last moments on the Earth with crystal clarity. There had been so much hate, and yet this is no punishment. It is merely a state of remembrance. It is a last opportunity to understand the value of what I was, and to share my thoughts out of respect for my past wishes, whether or not they are to be heard. For above all, I remember that I truly had something to live for.

I had attained the wish that all people seem to strive for, to love and to be loved in return. Roxane was mine, and I her's. She chose me, and like the fool that I was, I doubted that she would. It was not my appearance that she adored, for she is far too perfect to see merely the superficial. No, she saw inside of me, and felt my love for her. Cyrano was merely a means to an end. With or without him, I would have found a way, but why then am I here? Why is fate cruel? In time, perhaps it will not matter. I will transcend, but until then I must find answers, and seek my vengeance.

Three is the number of those who do holy work

Two is the number of those who do lover's work

One is the number of those who do perfect evil, or perfect good

- Clive Barker

Hardships of War (4)

In an attempt to keep a low profile while so close to enemy lines, our regiment is spending the night in an abandoned farmhouse. It is from here that I write.

My regiment has been deployed to the front lines, and I can not help but feel that it was somehow my fault. It seems so strange, I am certain that De Guiche gave the order out of spite for my marriage to Roxane, and yet it was his letter that made it abundantly clear that that had been in accordance with both his will, and the will of the Cardinal. It would break my heart to think that Roxane could be hiding something from me, and yet I must have faith that whatever she did, she did for the right reasons. What am I saying? Now is not the time to ponder such things, not when my thoughts are twisted by exhaustion, not when my mind feels as empty as my stomach. I grow so weary from this eternal march. Every day is more hellish than the last, and every day it seems as if I am being stretched to some previously unimaginable limit of human endurance.

To my great annoyance, Cyrano seems barely affected by the great many hardships we have faced, at least not in spirit, for he is noticeably thinner and paler, much like the rest of us. Yet he still carries on writing the letters to Roxane. I have stopped keeping track of each and every one as I once did, back when this game of ours had been more amusing. For now I must rest, and pray that when I finally make my way home, by some miracle, I will no longer owe the success of my love to a man who is superior in seemingly every respect.

Each of us is supposed to have extensively studied this map to prepare for the coming siege at Arras.

My Friend Cyrano (3)

I can barely begin to describe my appreciation for the course that my life has begun to follow. My past misfortunes both in love and with my fellow comrades seem long gone, driven away by the merriment of a newly found friendship. I have become strongly acquainted with by far the bravest and finest of the Gascons, and cousin to Roxane, Cyrano de Bergerac. What is more, he completely supports my campaign to win her love! The other cadets recognize his acceptance of me and are no longer so harsh as they were before. They even seem to have gained a sort of admiration for my association with so temperamental a warrior and poet. From what I hear, he has gained quite a reputation recently for some sort of stunt he pulled at the Hotel de Bourgogne. I still don't know the details, but I am delighted to hear that he made a real fool out of Valvert. If only I had stayed long enough to have been able to witness that.



I first met him at the pastry shop of Ragueneau. Though it had been my first time there, I had heard rumors that it was a wonderful bakery.

 But all of this pales in comparison to the marvelousness of the scheme that my good friend has developed. I have come to accept that I myself could never be enough for Roxane without a mind capable of doing justice to my emotions, and nothing will truly change the fact that my intellect is terribly lacking. However, Cyrano (for reasons that I can not begin to fathom) has taken it upon himself to lend me his poetic excellence, and write love letters to Roxane as if it had been mine own hand that had written them. When I asked him what he stood to gain from this, he said that it was merely an amusing challenge for a poet of his greatness. Oh how I envy the way that such a thing as this comes so naturally to him, but considering this current arrangement, I don't think it will be long before I have come to know Cyrano's writing well enough to be able to sustain this relationship on my own.


It is now wonder that this place is so well known. The aromas of baked bread can be smelled all the way down the block.  

My Time With the Gascons (2)

As of now, I write as one of the mighty Gascon defenders. I will admit though, my time with them thus far has been significantly more challenging and tedious than I had anticipated . Not only are they hard on me for being the newest and least experienced member of the lot, but they treat me like an outsider. It is difficult to fulfill such a role, but I know I ought to expect nothing less from the famous Cadets of Gascoyne, whose reputation proceeds them as proud and fierce, not to mention their obvious rivalry with the Normans, with whom they associate me. In time I shall earn my place, but how? Most of these men have probably fought alongside each other, and forged bonds of friendship that I will never be able to match until such a time as I myself earn their trust as a soldier. Though I long for the glory and fame of such an experience, I dread the possible consequences of actually finding myself in the heat of battle. 

All of this is made worse by the intolerable presence of De Guiche. Ever since I learned from Ligniere about his love for my beautiful Roxane, and his intention to have her marry that scoundrel Valvert, I have been harboring an ever growing resentment for every fiber of his being. Aside from my personal dislike of him, he seems to gain as little respect from the others as I do, although they would never make that outwardly apparent in his presence as they would mine, for fear of incurring his wrath. It would seem that my superior officer is also my primary opposition.

I have walked along this street so many times before, never realizing that it was of any significance until Ligniere informed my that it was Roxane's residence. Now I make a point of walking by every night on my way home.    

Musings Before the Theater (1)

Yesterday, I finally convinced my good friend Ligniere to attend a theatrical performance of Clorise at the Hotel de Bourgogne. I worry about him sometimes. He seems nervous as of recently, almost to a point of paranoia, but drinking typically calms him down. If it wasn't for that, I fear he might never leave his house nowadays. That isn't to suggest that he is anything of an unsociable fellow. Quite the contrary, it always seems as if he could introduce you to practically anyone worth knowing at a social gathering such as this, which is precisely why I wanted his company on this particular night. If I can learn who she is, I might at least know if my love has even the slightest glimmer of hope, or if it is  simply doomed to failure.

If it is not to be, then I may very well have wasted my last night before joining the Guards. After all, I have never really been one for the theater. Though I look forward to my life as a soldier, fighting for the prosperity of France, I know that it can only be made better if the woman of my dreams is awaiting my return. Alas, even if she were to feel for me as I feel for her, I will always be a fool, and my witless mind will prove the downfall of our love.





This rampart lies just outside the theater. If I ever find my true love, I want to remember to take her here.